Get Tips For a Healthy Marriage from an Experienced Licensed Counselor

 

Have friends together

We know that couples who play together and spend time with other healthy couples are more successful in marriage.  
These couples can provide a reality check (many couples seem unaware of the "sterotypical" male/female traits), accountability, and entertainment.

Spend quality AND quantity time together.

Find out what makes your spouse smile.  Do that more. 
Read "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman

Schedule time together.  Get a babysitter.  Enjoy each other. 

People change over time.  You'll only notice if you're around and paying attention.  Often when a couple seeks therapy about an affair, the spouse had no idea that their partner was cheating. 
Be present!

 

When you hit a bump, or go through a life trauma, go back to counseling together

 

Couple may blame each other for big life events, good or bad, change the patterns in the relationship and if couples don't recognize this, changing.

Do a time line of your relationship to see what has affected you and how you have changed as a couple to accommodate life.

 

Some complaints from couples just starting counseling together

 

And then there are the biggies that sometimes come out further along in counseling, like affairs, secrets,  (This is usually the one who is ignoring the warning signs.)

"I think our relationship is fine and she's just making a big deal of nothing.  I'm here because she wants me here."

"We argue about money.  I'm a saver; she's a spender. And I'm left with the responsibility of figuring out how to pay the bills."

"He used to pay so much attention to me.  Now his friends, hobbies and work seem more important than our time together."
(One couple uses a "yellow flag" warning, takes a time out, then discusses the issue later after cooling down.)

 

The issue doesn't get resolved."

 

"We can't seem to communicate. When we try to discuss something, it turns into an argument or one of us walks away.addictions and pornography.  

 

These issues do NOT have to end the relationship as long as both people are willing to take responsibility for their parts, be open and honest about what happened, and get help, marriages can often survive these things.  

"When Good People Have Affairs" by Mira Kirshenbaum, can be a helpful book if you're going through this.

I do not counsel addictions, including pornography addiction.  If you are struggling with that issue, as so many are these days, please seek out a qualified addictions counselor for help. I DO counsel couples in which pornography is an issue. 

So get yourself a good counselor who is devoted to helping you work things out if at all possible, and sign up for counseling. 
The payoffs are tremendous.